No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
