I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
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