his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
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