Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
