Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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