Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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