Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
You made out with two different species that night
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I want to fling myself into the sun
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
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