Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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