theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
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