lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
