never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
