and you said cock pushups were impossible
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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