No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
