The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
