Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
