Soap is not a condiment
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
