I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
