3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
