he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Randomize
