i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Randomize
