I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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