Kiss
Puke
The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
