Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
