where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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