Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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