They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
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