But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
You brought string cheese to the strip club
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
