yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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