She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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