Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Randomize
