He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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