well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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