I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
