Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
