My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
