This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
