Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Randomize
