i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
