drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
