Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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