very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
