yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
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