That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
