I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Randomize
