We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
