Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
