Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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