Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Randomize
