so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
