i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
