i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
