Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
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