I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
