If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Randomize