I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
