sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
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