found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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