Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I wish there were birth control emojis
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
