How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
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