The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize
