Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
wrigley field is MILF paradise
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
