I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Where are you?
In a non slutty way
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
