If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
