Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
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