you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
